


I can't count to I love you

by constellationmoles (Fawxy)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: FBI Agent Derek Hale, FBI Agent Stiles, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Spies & Secret Agents, hahahahah, more characters later - Freeform, porn later okay, sterek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:38:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fawxy/pseuds/constellationmoles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As much as Stiles loves being in the most corrupted part of the FBI, running with werewolves, and the secrets he has to tell his dad, no other emotion can rival with his hatred for Agent fucking Hale.  With his horrible whatever color his eyes are and shitty Adonis face. And why does he look like he was crafted out of marble? Shit uh wait no come back I got this.</p>
<p>Alright fine. As pretty as Agent Hale is, he does not wish to be married to the guy. But his boss says 'hahahah no pretend to be in love with him because hunters and witches and stuff' yeah yeah whatever Deaton you just want us to stop fighting in the break room over the last donut hole.</p>
<p>Stiles Stilinski  does not want to be fake married Derek Hale but nobody listens. </p>
<p>Not even his new husband.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't count to I love you

**Author's Note:**

> fbi sterek agents where they be hunting mean monsters 
> 
> except they have to earn the trust of the ceo dads and the sheltered suburban moms
> 
> as a married couple.

"Hey, I need you to calm the fuck down, Hale. Don't be going all big bad wolf on me. This wasn't even my fault! Can you at least not brood in the jeep? Can you ,like, step out and brood out there? Where all the fresh clean air is? Sorry I'm not fluent in 'I can only speak in facial expressions that all look the same so you know when to stop talking and drive' I didn't take that class in college."  
  
Like that would stop the glare coming from the silent, brooding, asshole next to Stiles. He cannot live with this guy for 6 months, even if it is for a job! Nah, nope. Not happening, alright? Deaton can pair Stiles up with Scott and Hale can take- God. Never mind Scott's paired with Isaac or Allison or both. Either way, who cares?  
  
Lydia is off with Jackson god knows where. Maybe in a yacht in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Hopefully sinking because karma is a bitch when you leave Derek freaking Hale with Stiles in a suburban sheltered neighborhood. This is the worst operation he's ever taken part of.  
  
  
Maybe background would be nice.  
  
Let's get one thing straight. Deaton most likely hates Stiles. I mean, why else would he get paired with the last person ANYONE wants to be near at any given time? And NOW? They have to act like some _lovey dovey_ couple to gain 'trust' from the neighbors. Deaton may be part of the FIB but he runs more of the corrupted undercover branch nobody checks on, mostly out of fear of what they will find. For instance, this 'mission'.  
  
"Rule one: I get the master bedroom." Derek turns to Stiles as they approach a red light in an intersection. "No! Why do you deserve it? You do nothing except drink every ones coffee and I don't think the neighbors would like that. I need that bed. I'm frail. Fragile. Sensitive. In need of silk sheets." And his hands are off the wheel, moving along with his thought process like he was tracing The Mona Lisa in the air. Which- only results in a hurt hand from slapping the wheel with his knuckles. While he shakes that pain off, Stiles turns to defy Derek.  
And that's when he's met with those light eyes burning/glaring into his own whiskey brown ones.  
That's when he's met with the uneven stubble of his clenched jaw.  
That's when he's met with- THE HONKING OF A CAR BEHIND HIM ALRIGHT CALM DOWN PEOPLE  
  
  
  
  
Stiles closes the small portion of his mouth that fell open and gave an exasperated sigh as he looked forward again and began driving, slightly more pissed off than before.  
"Fine. Just don't- You better be listening- Do not have sex in that house. These people have to believe we don't hate each other and have been married for 2 years. If you start bringing in side chicks, I'm pretty sure people will get suspicious." This neighborhood was the whole deal too. White picket yards, need a key card to get through the gates and BMWs and Bentleys everywhere. And all of the automated sprinklers he could be running through.  
  
"I don't have time for 'side chicks' Stilinski ."  
  
Oh the ever present monotone infuriating voice of Derek Hale. "Oh yeah because you're always SO busy with other things, HALE." Just in time for the school bus in front of them to say fuck you and cut off Stiles.  
Which means his foot immediately slams against the brake and his back is pulled from against the seat.  
  
"Actually, yeah I am. I don't spend my whole day watching you and your boyfriend. Maybe I should just be teaching you how to drive instead of babysitting." Cue the condescending tone as Derek braces himself against the dashboard, since, apparently he's too cool for seat belts. Nothing will stop Stiles from his imagination taking off like a rocket, imagining Derek going head first through the windshield.  
"Scott is not my boyfriend, alright. It was just one kiss why can't anyone let it go?" When Stiles is done shrugging and actually going to focus on driving, all of that focus is pulled away when he realizes Derek is staring at him. He is so sure, he himself has the most exasperated look in the world that only begins to explain Derek Hale. And there Derek is. Eyes squinting at Stiles and eyebrows furrowed inward. "You know what, I don't want to know." Derek's face is cleared of emotion (other than his resting bitch face) as he turns back to the road. "Well not like I was gonna tell you. I thought you knew! I mean, we go hard on best friend day."  
  
 _"Stilinski."_  
  
"You know I'm always getting this bad vibe from you, but I think it's bullshit. I think you're a goddamn teddy bear underneath."  
  
" _Stilinski I swear_ -"  
  
"No no no shut up, _**Hale**_ , I'm talking. My turn to talk. You know I can't handle your talkativeness all the time." Oh wow look at that another death stare that's so scary.  
  
...  
  
Actually it kinda is. Shit.  
  
"You need to lighten up man. Go bang some dudes."  
  
"Stop Stilinksi. Last chance."  
  
"Go play mini golf. Do your wolfy thing. Who cares? Just leave that anger on the hook outside the door. You kno-"  
  
"Stiles! Shut! Up!"  
  
Stiles can count how many times Derek has actually called him 'Stiles' on one hand.  
Mostly because he has never done it.  
  
That's the only excuse for his jaw slacking as he turns to Derek. The other had his eyes open wide enough for Stiles to pick out his favorite spots when the light hits them just righ- nope.  
  
"Shut up, and drive."  
  
"Alright! Fine. Just- look this is our street." Another exasperated sigh to add to the chart. This street couldn't be any better really. Kids running a muck like the god damn animals they are.  
Old ladies and old men gathered around plants while they look upon their glory days.  
Derek scoffs.   
Stiles scoffs at his scoff.  
Derek glares.  
Derek is an asshole.   
  
"Wow. You really just want everyone to be as miserable as you." Z snap. His eyes are squinted as he looks out the window and studies the number to find wherever the hell the house is. With a silent 'ah ha' he pulls into the driveway of a red painted 2 story house. "No, I only want to make you miserable." Even with the rude comment, Derek's voice was soft as he looked through the windshield at their new house.  
  
"Yeah nice. What have I ever done to you?" The jeep is off and the keys are pulled out when Stiles pushes open the door with his foot. He sighs as he realizes Derek isn't even listening and just staring. "Do we need to sign up for couples counselling or are you gonna listen to me when I'm trying to yell at you?"  
  
"How about we go for neither. Nice goal." Derek only has to tilt his head up for Stiles to hear him over the car, but poor lithe, small Stiles has to jump onto the step to look over and shoot him a sarcastic dry laugh and smile, which of course, Derek returns with an even more sarcastic smile as he opens the trunk and pulls out his and Stiles' duffel bags. "Aw thanks honey for carrying my bag. Won't have to work out my arm muscles. These guns need a break."  
  
And only then is when Derek realizes he's carrying one of Stiles' bag. Which he drops to the ground immediately. "Woops. My bad."  
And that's the same thing he says after he kicks the bag, And again when he kicks it to the sidewalk. "Just so clumsy today." Asshole Derek shrugs and spins on his heel to the front door, leaving only Stiles' and his used-to-be-clean bag on the sidewalk to make very subtle choking gestures as he followed Derek close to his heels.   
  
"If this is how you treat your partners, you will die alone." Stiles half yelled as he picked up his duffel and followed close  
  
"You're special. I don't treat anyone else like you. Which is not a good thing and you should not brag about it." Can't evem let Stiles have a little fun? Goddamn.  
  
  
  
Stiles really really  _really_   _really   **really**_ hates Derek Hale. He even founded the "We Hate Derek" organization.  
  
Though he did fail to mention how he almost ran the 'We Love Derek" organization in elementary school.   
  
Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah this is gonna fail terribly


End file.
